Me and My depression

Very few people know I suffer from this mental illness and thinking back I don’t ever remember a time throughout my life where I hadn’t been suffering, I did a very good job of hiding it for 25 years. I didn’t realise I had been suffering with it up until about 2 and a half years ago. It seems amazing now that I did nothing about it for well over a year.

 

After a couple of high profile suicides that were well publicised in the media, namely Gary Speed, it got me thinking and assessing where is the starting point for the internal struggles that would lead someone to ending their own life. It became apparent to me that I was more than likely well along the road to killing myself, although I had never had any of these thoughts, there were times that I felt incredibly ‘low’ and frustrated with my life for absolutely no reason at all. I had a great life, I had a good graduate job, an amazing Girlfriend, Charlotte, who I loved, and loved me back hugely, a full and active lifestyle in the centre of Bath and a strong stable and loving family. It was this realisation that I had no ‘reason’ to feel like I did that I decided I needed help.

I made an appointment with my Doctor and while I found it so unbelievably hard to open up to anyone for the first time, but he was very understanding and suggested a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This would be done online as I was working away from home in London it wouldn’t have a possibility to seek a face to face course in the local area.

This brings me onto my first and most frequent symptom, not being able to concentrate on anything and constantly feeling on edge. In many ways this is more anxiety than depression but this manifests itself when I am depressed in the strongest of ways. This became so bad, and I suppose along with tinge of being frightened of dealing with the issue, as it was so hard to admit I had a problem, I got no further than my first 30 minutes of my online CBT.

   

In admitting my mental state to myself on a small level, and being able to open up about it to my girlfriend was enough to start. For a good couple of months ‘just being happier’ got me by but never dealt with the underlying issue.

 

For no reason whatsoever a good 9 months later I started my deepest darkest spiral. My life had in many ways got better, I had bought a lovely old cottage in a quite village just outside of Bath and was now working locally so I could spend more time with Charlotte and friends. I was  going out cycling more often, which I find the best way of maintaining a decent level of ‘normalness’. I say this as it doesn’t get me out of a depressive state on its own, but with structured training and racing schedules I believe it keeps me on the ‘rails’ I guess.

 

I knew something was up when out on a Sunday club cycle ride, which usually is one of my highlights of my week, I just did not want to be there. This happened for a couple of weeks and steadily got worse. At the same time I could not relax, every second of everyday seemed like I had an endless list of vitally important things, jobs, tasks and chores to do. But at 3pm on A Sunday afternoon when I actually had nothing to do my heart was beating out of my chest, my fingers were tingling and I couldn’t stop changing channels on the TV as nothing was of interest to me. Which was totally mad as there was at least 2 live rugby games, a live football match and a live cycle race as well as Friday nights movie on the sky+ box. But nothing at all interested me and nothing could get me to relax. Not for the first time, but certainly with the most conviction, I went to bed that night and prayed that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. It might amaze some of you that there is a physical aspect to depression and really highlights that its not just about ‘being happier’.

 

A week or so later was my worst I had ever been, and I never want to go there again. Although I have accepted that this might happen I am beginning to make my own personal strategies to get me through such times. I had a dental appointment to a check up on my teeth that I had knocked out in a cycling accident a year ago. With work running on and traffic I was late by about 15 minutes. I had even rang the surgery let them know I was late but when I got there the receptionist said I could not be seen and had to make another appointment.

I had a course the following day a good 150 miles away and had a room in a hotel booked close by so I didn’t have to drive that in the morning. I went home to quickly pack a bag so I could get to the hotel in time for dinner. To add to my already heightened state I couldn’t find any clean shirts for the following day, I was for some reason frightened of the thought of driving and I  was angry, again for no reason, at Charlotte being away on half term holiday as she is a primary school teacher. And then I just flipped.

 

I can’t describe the emotions I had in that moment. It was hatred, of myself and the world. It was unhappiness, like the feeling your heart had just dropped but was constantly falling. It was hopelessness that this is what my life was always going to be like. It was physical rage, I ripped my favorite shirt of my chest and threw it in the washing basket which I then kicked and stamped on up and down my landing. It was embarrassment at the view of myself in the bathroom mirror. It was shame for letting ‘everyone’ down. And most crucially it was the end.

 

The raw physical emotions of it all did not go away, but decreased in amplitude. I sent a message to my girlfriend to say I couldn’t take it anymore. I got into my car and headed off to my hotel imaging people finding me dead in the morning, and that thought was comforting to me. I can’t understand how that thought can do that, but it did, my girlfriend rang me and I put the phone down on her. The car journey is a blur, I don’t remember what happened. All I know is I managed to get to my hotel in time for dinner and went to bed and got up for my course in the morning. Thankfully I didn’t make any attempt on my own life and blocked out what had happened. I had managed to suppress what I had been feeling for as long as I could remember anyway and doing so until I made a doctor’s appointment would be sufficient. My doctor has helped me help myself and I am making good progress in all aspects of my life.

 

From now on when people ask what depression is like for me on a day to day basis I tell them it’s hatred,  it’s hopelessness, it’s physical rage, it’s embarrassment, it’s shame, it’s not enjoying anything, it’s not being able to concentrate, it’s not being able to relax, it’s all of these things all the time but at varying levels of intensity and consciousness, and not being able to do anything about it. But fortunately you can do things about it, and thankfully I have. I am still depressed, I still get ‘low’ and I accept that and can for the most part deal with it and in between times I feel better, I am more confident and happy and a very different person. But not all the time, yet.

I stumbled across Time to Change which is an anti-stigma campaign run by the leading mental health charities Mind and Rethink Mental Illness on twitter a while ago. They are running a 'It's Time to Talk' campaign this August and are asking people to talk, listen and share. Our bodies, our minds can become unwell, so starting a conversation about mental health is important. It helps people to recover. It can strengthen a relationship between friends, family and colleagues. And it starts to take the taboo out of something that affects us all.

A big part of the problem is the stigma surrounding depression, and other mental illnesses, as it creates a barrier to acknowledgement and treatment and that is the sole reason why I have written this piece. I don’t want sympathy or a personal reaction. But I want people to understand and respect that it happens to people you may not expect it to, possibly even you. I doesn’t always happen for a reason. It is just a physical problem as heart disease, cancer or gonorrhoea. It’s not something that can’t be addressed.

 

I am really thankful to a lot of people who have helped me. Whether they know that I have depression or not, people have helped me. From those who I cycle with at the weekends to the strangers in the street who give you a glancing smile, theywho have no idea of what’s going on inside me but have made a positive difference. Special thanks go Charlotte who has been so supportive, my parents and my Doctor for guiding me to a point where I can write so openly.

I have already found just writing this liberating in many ways. The thought right this second of publishing this on my blog is exhilarating as I am no longer afraid of living with my illness.

Crash bang wallop

The official opening of Odd Down Circuit took place under glorious sunshine last weekend. A full day of family events and a full afternoon of cycle racing was laid on for all to enjoy.

I dived in, almost literally, into the 3^rd Cat 40min plus 2 lap race of the circuit. It was also pleasing to see a strong VC Walcot presence lining up for the 4^th Cat race, many of those clipping in were doing so in their first race. All showing  strong performances which bodes well for future races.

The hot weather made warming up a little easier, and the slightly added length to the race meant that I going so hard for a warm up wasn’t necessary. The first couple of laps were great. A very strong performance from Jon and Paul, VC Walcot dominated the pace of the race. Not exactly the planned tactic but proved decisive. A couple of laps in a other racers starting coming to the fore and covering various breaks and changes in pace were hard in the heat radiating off the tarmac.

Nearly 20 minutes into the race I sensed an opportunity to make a move, approaching the top hairpin I accelerated hard into and out of the corner and with another ride started to make a split in the group. Riding very hard, my heart rate topping 190bpm out of the corner, and sweat pouring into my face I made a painful mistake in pulling over to allow the other rider to come through and start to work. We both started drifting together and in what seemed an eternity of slow motion I could see and sense a touching of wheels. Back to real time and I was down, bike bouncing around which brought down another rider. I managed to get up pretty quickly and in New York sitcom style wiggled around on the spot as the rest of the bunch separated around me and my bike.

I twisted my bars back into a somewhat straight fashion, fixed my chain, checked my brakes and wheeled down to the nearest commissaire and asked where I could rejoin the race. Not once thinking about to what extent my injuries might be. I did not know that at the next hairpin a grounding of pedal brought someone else down and that was the final straw that created a brake of 6 people to get a lead. I was told I could re-enter the race in the lead group as that was where I was at the time of my crash, but I would have to see a medic at the end of the race. That’s when I realised  the blood running down my leg and something fluid coming out of my hand. I picked up speed to rejoin the front group and again realised that I had no gear changes. I was stuck in one speed for the rest of the race. If I could just stay with the front guys then at least I could collect a couple of category points  by finished 7^th.

As the rest of the race went on I began to feel a bit of pain, but adrenaline is fantastic and kicked in pushing me forward. Being stuck in a gear, luckily not too high or too low, I ended up going off the front again as I had to keep the cadence going. Not ideal and it disrupted a well-organised break.

In the last few laps it became more and more frantic and I could see the heat and speed paying its toll on one or two. Luckily the adrenaline kept me strong, that was until the final lap. On hearing the bell the pace went through the roof. I was unable to really follow in one gear and dug deep to stay in touch on the back. A guy who had raced earlier in the day in the E123 race was obviously tired, and either though sympathy or his own fatigue encouraged me to push on at the end a probably let me finish 6^th rather than 7^th . Thank you.

When I finished and the adrenaline stopped and the pain started. The kind medics helped me out as best they could. I tried to shower in the changing rooms, but the water was so hot I just couldn’t and washed down as best I could in the sink. I managed to pull myself together and watch the end of the 4^th Cat race, which unfortunately ended with a crash taking out Phil on the last bend. It wont be long before he sprints to a victory I am sure.

The last few days have been really painful with washing and dressing my road rash. It got too bad today that I visted a nurse just to check for possible infection or something worse causing the pain. Luckily all is ok, except that it’s not really road rash. It is more of a burn, infact partial thickness burn that covers about 5% of my body on my shin, thigh, hip and forearm.

The rest of the damage is starched but working ultegra di2 componets, a need for a new rear mech and a new VC Walcot jersey.

What is strange is I can’t wait to heal up and get back out there and push on for better and better results. I have 10 days to get into a shape to race a 10m TT on relatively fast course north of Bristol. I hope I can make it.

Bristol South CC 50m TT

My journey up the learning curve of TTing has been a steep one this year. It has been my first year of TTing regularly and on Sunday I was expecting another lesson in how not to race. You see recently I have failed with my racing, either going the wrong way or just generally blowing up and grinding in to the finish rather despondent. But I think I may actually be getting somewhat nearer to the top. I just need bigger legs to hit the summit.

 

Waking at 4.30 for the 7.03 start and seeing the trees out of my  window getting battered by the wind was more than a little daunting. Luckily I am now starting to get used to the time of day so with a clearish head and blurry eyes jumped into my car, that I had packed the night before (lesson learned from previous race about ways to minimising being late and missing your start time!!) and got blown off my feet to the car.

 

A TT of 50m does not really need a decent warm up and so arriving at the HQ more than an hour before the off wasn’t needed, 30mins should do. A quick change, clip on my number, assemble wheels to bike and roll (blown to the start) was done with instinct rather than panic. The lessons of races past have well and truly been learned.

 

The course, U21/50, is almost entirely on the A38 from Axbridge near Cheddar to Bridgwater with a loop towards Burnham back toward Bridgwater and then ‘Home’. Having never done a TT of 50 miles before my ‘prediction’ of my estimated time would be around 2 hours 15 minutes. That’s an average speed of around 22mph. If I could get this time in ‘normal’ conditions then I would be ecstatic, as close as possible with the wind would be a bonus.

 

Unlike a 10m TT which is go out hard and hold on for grim death and a 25m TT which is kind of similar. A 50m TT needs a much more intricate pacing strategy. Luckily in this regard the wind conditions and the direction of the route made this fairly straight forward. A horrible 4 mile start into the jaws of the wind was an ideal ‘warm up’. Go easy with a low gear, high cadence and wait till the first roundabout, turn left and expect head/cross wind to start to building the pace. Get to the final turn and pick up the tail wind ‘feeling fresh’. Get to half way, evaluate, and repeat again. It all worked perfectly, my average speed ticking up and up through the whole race, 20mph…20.5mph…(turn)…21mph…..22mph…….

 

The good thing about a course with loops in it is that you get to gauge yourself against the minute man in front and behind you. I caught my minute man in the first 4 windy miles, riding upright on standard road bike would have been hell! Poor bloke. The guy behind me looked like a well-seasoned TTer from Swindon RC. If I could keep him at bay then it would be another bonus. At the first turning point I could see he had gained on me, well within a minute of my wheel. At the next he must have been no more than 20 seconds or so. I wasn’t too worried though as I was feeling really good at half way and working hard into the wind and ‘easing’ off with the wind was working nicely. Just wait until I start working with the wind as well.

 

By the next turn around he hadn’t had passed me, I knew I had been going a few clicks faster, but was expecting him to still be breathing down my neck. Turing around the roundabout a look back down the road and I could see he hadn’t crested the small rise nearly half a mile away. This gave me so much belief, for a brief moment I felt like Fabian Cancellara. Legs like pistons, working so hard without any hint of pain or fatigue. The strong tail wind made the sensation phenomenal, almost like flying.

 

With 10 miles to go I really started to open up and began pushing the next highest gear and keeping the cadence going. For the first time I could actually feel pain in my legs. Quite an achievement after 40 miles at 22mph and ridiculous wind. My average speed ticking up 22.2mph…….22.3mph……..22.4mph. The last 5 miles was painful, but yet enjoyable as the tail wind was amplified by the Mavic Cosmic Disc wheel I was riding. Crossing the line, shouting out my race number to the poor time keeper tied down and huddled over a chair, stopping my timer on the GPS at 2:09.28 was surreal. I was tired, sure, but not exhausted so was the thrill of riding with what cyclists call ‘form’. Finishing at an average of 23.2 mph was beyond what I thought was possible.

 

I would like to thank everyone involved in putting on the race. Bristol South CC did a stunning job in how to run and organise a TT perfectly. 

At this point I want to mention the Mavic Comete Disc wheel I have been using. I am an engineer, started studying Mechanical Engineer before converting to Civil/ Buildings. I have a decent level of understanding of aerodynamics and terms such as drag. It is obvious the benefits of using a disc wheel by watching the Tour de France. Everyone uses one during TT stages, which does suggest more than a mere marketing ploy. The British Cycling Track guys and girls have been using Mavic Disc wheels for all their Gold Medal rides, so when one became available with an aluminium clincher breaking surface without needing to remortgage on ebay I took a chance on it.

 

I can only say that it has paid off, while the term ‘negative drag’ (self propulsion in certain wind conditions)  gets used as a marketing tool by wheel manufactures it is actually impossible for this to happen. What can happen is similar to sail boats where a lift force caused by the angle of the disc wheel, an aerofoil affect, into the wind exceeds the drag force and the bike is ‘sucked’ in a direction dependant on which way the wind is blowing, and this isn’t always the way you want to go. Experiencing this is hard to explain, also hard to control with gusting winds. There is wind pushing you one way, the lift at another angle and the direction you actually want to go in whilst tucked up on the aerobars. Throw in passing traffic and it’s a mental challenge of predicting where everything might come from as you turn a corner. The steadiness of the wheel though is suburb and is an absolute joy to ride, even more so when you understand what is going on.

Double Race Weekend

 I’m back once again with another essay of my time riding (racing) my bicycles.

Last week I staged my own 2 Day Stage Race with a 19mile timetrial on Saturday and then a 33mile Circuit Race up at Castle Combe.

It was a shock to the system and hopefully has shifted my fitness up a gear ready for another testing weekend involving a 10mile TT and 100mile sportive.

The timetrial was the 2^nd Round of the WTTA Hardriders series which runs throughout the season over ‘sporting’ courses that generally are on the hilly side of the gradient spectrum. They vary in length from between 19miles to 30+ miles. Everyrider in each event scores points that count towards a season which is calculated using the cumulative score of an individual’s best 6 results. The 1^st place rider at each event gets 120 points 2^nd 119, 3^rd 118 etc. so that all riders receive some points. With this in mind my main season goal is to complete 6 events and aim for a total score of 600. This will require a consistent 20^th place position at each event  throughout the year.

Debuting on my new Cannondale Slice TT bike with the sunlight fighting through the cloud was a pleasant change from the recent cold, damp, freezing weather we have had recently. I have put in some time on my TT bike riding my turbo trainer during the winter and found a relatively comfortable position on it, venturing out onto the road now and again to some tweaking gave me reassurance of going out with some anger during the race without worrying about tumbling off a la Denis Menchov Giro D’Italia 2009.

Warming Up in the Sun :)

I have also developed a stunning warm up routine which almost worked too well on Saturday (contact me if you are interested in my finely tuned warm-up plan, I am sure we can come to some financial arrangement in return for the transfer of my ever growing bike wisdom).

The U303 course starts and finishes in Bruton south of Bath. Organised by the Gillingham and District Wheelers the event began with a 1 mile climb averaging at around 5% straight off the start line. My finely tuned warm up paid dividends and I rocketed off up the hill feeling ace and caught my minute man before the top, surprisingly still feeling ace. The course rolled south over the gentle terrain towards the A303 and roughly followed it before turning North and into a gentle but taxing headwind and a long drag of false flat before turning westwards and a fast 4 mile decent to the finish.  I kept what I thought was sufficient reserves in my tank for the headwind drag but I think my warm up gave me such a confidence boost I slightly over exerted over the first half of the course and began to slow down as the lactate in my legs began to accumulate. By the time I hit the run for home I had lost the red mist from my eyes and coasted in a racing fashion to the finish as I did not know the decent at all and I also slightly bottled it hurtling down at 40+mph still tucked up on the aerobars. I was in hindsight delighted with the performance of the Cannondale at this speed, it was magnificently stable and feel reassured that with a bit more time before the next event I can recce the course and go all out for the duration, hopefully picking a handful more places and improve on the 24^th I achieved, top 20 is a realistic but challenging goal.



Aero.
CharleWhittonPhotography



The weather changed for Sunday, the wind got up and I knew that the Circuit race at Castle Combe, which is renowned for its wind when the rest of the world is still, was going to be tough. Living in Colerne the 6 mile ride to the race track was the perfect warm up, and so wrapped in lasagne of Walcot kit I made my way over. Thankfully I was not alone today as Paul Fergusson, a recent Cat 3 graduate, would be joining me and safety in numbers would be the name of the game.

Our prerace tactics for the 19 lap 33 mile race was to stick together, stay near the front and if it looks like the race was splitting up in the wind work hard to make it happen and make sure we end up on the right side of the split.

The race started as normal with a few guys jumping off the front and being brought back again. Me and Paul where right in the thick of it and tried to bridge to 2 guys after a couple of laps. Stuck in no man’s land and about to head into the headwind I called to Paul ease up and wait, it seemed fruitless. If only we could of made it to those guys, who somehow managed to stay away and take the 1-2, we could have been in on that action and smashed an amazing result. Unfortunately we didn’t make it and continued in the trenches working hard, and far too early in hindsight. I almost got dropped out the back of the peloton after an ill-timed over exuberant effort and only just managed to climb back into the bunch. Seeing Paul tearing it up at the front, once I recovered I moved back up to keep the pace going and try to bring back a couple of small groups up the track. I don’t recall when, where or how, but it did slowly dawn on me that I could no longer see Paul and went looking for him through the group and realised he must of succumbed to the same problem I did earlier in the race and never made it back on. Self-preservation time. Stupidly I anticipated the race lasting no more than an hour with the British Cycling website saying the race lasted 50mins + 3 laps and so didn’t bother with taking a drink or any food for the race. At the start the commissaire said that the race would last 19 laps and not thinking at that point still continued without any refreshments for the journey. In self-preservation mode I started to calculate the maths and realised with the decreased speed because of the brutal easterly wind and 19 laps the race was going to take nearer an hour and a half. Only 50 minutes had gone and I was feeling sick, my blood sugar was low and I was beginning to feel the top end speed dissipate from my legs after the timetrial effort the day before. Hanging in the top 15 or so it became a game of avoiding the wind at all costs digging really deep to hold the wheel in front and not worrying, or able too, inflict that same pain onto the rest of the bunch. Who had given up chasing down the 2 leaders with a gap of nearly 3 minutes. With 5 laps to go I was feeling ok, and was more active at the front but unable to go with any moves that jumped every now and again. With the laps ticking down a small group of 3 went and I still don’t know if they stayed clear. The last 2 laps I was positioned perfectly but I knew full well that sprinting was out of the question. The bell went for the last lap and it was a relief to hear. Still in a good position I managed to avoid a guy go down on the back straight and found myself in a really good position and I began to find some more belief. As the swang around the back corner the speed went through the roof and all I could do was hold on in there. Another crash before the finishing straight meant going onto the grass and watch as the group sprinted to the line.

It was probably the hardest most intense hour and a half I’ve had on the bike and furthered my racing experience. It was a big step up for Paul too from the Ludgershall series races which last around 40-50 minutes and I think he learned a lot from the cold air. Back to the turbo for both of us, there is a long season ahead.

Mid Shropshire Wheelers Reliability Ride

I have regularly ridden around the Shropshire Hills over the last year since my girlfriends Mum moved to the area and started to run two Holiday Cottages- http://bit.ly/Yzz6yx.  It is fantastic but hard riding countryside, on and offroad from the door, with gradients regularly above 5% where ever you go.



Sundorne Leisure Centre



Having spotted the Mid-Shropshire Wheelers Reliability Ride on the British Cycling website during the week it was an opportunity I couldn’t miss to explore the flatter part of Shropshire to the North of Shrewsbury.

Starting at the Sundorne Leisure Centre in Shrewsbury, which runs and operates a 1km tarmacked cycle circuit. A £3 entry fee is a welcome bonus to a cycling events industry that tends to be heavily overpriced. 2 rides on offer 47miles and 59miles, with 3 groups of varying paces over each distances suited each rider of the 100+ gathered around the heaters in the Leisure Centre Reception.

Starting in the first group (very) fast group to depart for the 59 mile route was good as a slight snow shower rolled in. I soon warmed right up as the only ‘climb’ of the ride was out of Shrewsbury up a gently inclined hill but at a lightning pace I drifted back through the group of 20+ trying not to blow up straight away. I managed to stay in touch a worked hard for the next 40miles, occasionally taking a turn at the front keeping the average speed above 20mph. http://bit.ly/13Q2vUO

One fatally timed turn at the front right into a brisk head wind just before a very short but steepish rise up a stream valley side dropped me out the back of a much depleted leading group. Luckily I wasn’t the only one and managed the last 20 miles in a smaller group of 5 still pushing around 20mph average. All the other groups arrived back on schedule averaging 17mph and 15mph over the two flat courses.

Warming the fingers back up

As entry was only £3 which covered the BC insurance I wasn’t expecting any refreshment stops mid-ride or at the finish. But a willing group of volunteers were located at major turning points to guide us in the right direction and by starting and finishing at a Leisure Centre there was a decent café serving tea and cake to warm the finger tips up before heading home.

As always the cycling fraternity was very welcoming and I thoroughly enjoyed riding new roads and meeting more like minded cyclists. When I am in the area again I hope to go along to Mid Shropshire Wheelers Club ride to explore some more. It was interesting discussing how the circuit at the Leisure Centre built around 6 years ago had impacted the club. As expected a membership of around 70ish had now hit well over 200. With the vast majority of those being children and parents. Unlike the circuit being built in Odd Down the Shrewsbury track is floodlit which enables 2 evening club sessions a week to take place all year round. A new local race team has started up, and by the ease and speed of the (very) fast group I was riding with is no doubt going to be successful this year. The lock up cabin of club bikes, wheels, tools etc coupled with the Junior sections club mini-bus is evidence of the success the circuit has brought the area.

Sundorne Circuit

Cross

Last week was a real mix of fortunes in my world of cyclocross riding. A visit from my cousin Alan from California was a great excuse to go and explore Ashton Court and Leigh Woods in Bristol.

Born in the UK and moving to Santa Cruz just south of San Francisco age 5, he experienced the birth of mountain biking on his doorstep. Has a heavenly surf scene on the pacific coast and grew up witnessing the explosion of the modern computing age in Silicon Valley to the north. He now works for Google. The American Dream.

So a windy and rare dry October weekday I would unleash Bristols' best trails. Not quite Marin County, but it would have to do. It would be better than tackling the Mendips, as we did last time he visited a few years back. That was a day in a real muddy hell.

I was very impressed with the state of the trails at Ashton Court considering the wet weather recently. A few small puddles was about all. This was not dry in California terms, where if a few splots of mud on the rear of your jersey would be the worst it could get. I must go there soon.

Ashton Court, and especially Leigh Woods, is not a particular technical trail. A treat for nailing it around on a cross bike. The winters training might be based around visiting on a frequent basis. Smiling faces all around whilst eating sausage sandwiches in the cafe after an hours blast. Take that Califormia, you may have a lot of things but you don't do Sausages like we do!

Over the weekend a lonely misty Saturday ride along the Canal Path between Bath and Bradford-On-Avon was verging on the magical. Deers, Herrons, rabbits. I think the Autimn is my favourite season to cycle in.

My cross race on Sunday in Stroud was not to so favourable. Highly technical sections, water logged sections, fast descents and steady road climb was going to be an exciting race. I crashed twice in my warm up laps which knocked my confidence some what. I panicked and lowered my front tyre pressure a bit low as a desperate move to find more traction, error. On the first lap I had major issues. On the descent I somehow managed to pull the rear brake cable out of the brakes. Unable to stop going into the woods I hit a stump and punctured. TKO.

I stayed to watch the rest of race and witnessed how to and how not to tackle certain elements of the course. I have a lot to learn. A week off from work ripping up the Shropshire Hills can only improve things. Shame I'm not spending the week in California.